Every Moment of Every Day
Sitting under a tree in a beautiful garden a Sufi, head upon his knee, eyes closed was lost in contemplation. A passerby, annoyed by his state, could not contain himself, “How can you sleep, pay attention to the signs of God that surround you.” The Sufi calmly answered, “God signs I behold within my heart.” From “Rumi’s Little Book of Life The Garden of the Soul , the Heart and the Spirit” Translated by Maryam Mafi and Azima Melita Kolin
This poem struck me because the passerby was “annoyed by the Sufi’s state” and suggested that he was not paying attention to the world around him. The passerby couldn’t have been further from the truth.
How many times have we assumed we know what someone is thinking? Or we make an assumption about someone’s life? Subconscious biases are real. We tend to make assumptions and judgements about people as a result of our own life experiences.
As a barista, I often work the drive through window. From this simple exchange between the customer and I, I often find myself assuming what mood they are in or perhaps making a judgement about their personality. One day a man came to the window and very seriously ordered a refresher with very specific instructions and drove to the next window without so much as a “thank you.” When he got to the window I started with, “How’s your day going?” and he said, “Ok.” I stayed at the window and he slowly shared that he was about to meet his girlfriend who had just been in a car accident. My heart dropped. From my first impression, I thought perhaps he was in a bad mood, or a very serious person. I quickly realized I was 100% off base, same as the passerby in the above poem. By the time he left the window I saw him as a very caring, empathetic young adult who was preoccupied and very worried about his girlfriend.
Every person, every minute of every day is living their story. Our assumptions of others is a result of our own experiences. Be conscious of what assumptions you are subconsciously or consciously making about others whether they are strangers, coworkers, family or friends. Be aware of your subconscious biases. Catch yourself when you hear that inner voice. Practice taking the time to get to know others from a blank slate. And most of all, don’t assume you can read people by a small exchange or a short encounter. There is a lot going on in that minute in that person’s world. Perhaps just a smile can open them up to feeling safer and more comfortable.